Rambling about dancing in my underwear and Doctor Who.

Hello,

I worked hard today, not only did I try really hard to do well at work, I was also trying to be more 'out there' and sociable and Not get depressed again! So, I think I did pretty well. I served some customers and I washed up (a lot) and then when I got home I went for a walk with dad and talked and laughed and things.

Yesterday after I had written about how I was slipping back to the depression and stuff. I talked to my Dad and ended up crying. although this is not a big thing for most girls, it is for me. I don't cry very much and I don't like talking about my feelings either, so to do both in one night is pretty impressive don't you think? After that I listened to Alanis Morissette and danced around in my underwear. (not a pretty sight)

Today I brought myself some toothpaste to take on my adventure (I will now refer to the NLP course as 'The Adventure') and I have almost finished packing. On Monday and Tuesday I will sort the rest out.

I am feeling nervous at last. I knew it would happen some time but I was hoping to save my nerves for the train journey. I am shitting myself nervous about my adventure and I am studiously not complaining to anyone. I haven't even mentioned it. (Be strong!)     

Doctor who will be on soon, so of course I am ridiculously excited. Doctor who is one of the only things everyone in my family actually likes. I can hear my sisters squeaking about it in the background along with M's typewriter. She wants to be a poet and story writer so she spends most of her time typing on an old typewriter she somehow got/stole from Dad. Mum is putting the chickens to bed, which is a task that mostly consists of shoving there feathery asses into the nest boxes and waiting for them to settle down. Only joking, she waits for them to go to bed and then just closes the door. she is a nice crazy hippie.

My brother is playing with some figurine fantasy characters and shouting, so every thing is normal here.

I don't really have many important things to say tonight so I just rambled on and on and on. Sorry.

Bye. 

Depression and To Do Lists

Hello,

It's funny when you realise that you aren't as ok as you thought you were. It makes you feel like a deflating balloon. I realised today that I am slipping back into the dark holds of depression once again. (Dramatic huh?) And that I need to do something about it.

So I stopped obsessively watching movies and I'm going to limit my time on my laptop. I will still post a lot on this blog, I will just spend less time Googling things etc. So I am redoubling my efforts to stay happy and vibrant. Depression isn't like sadness, for me, it is more like total apathy, to everything. So I will try desperately not to let it happen again. My family are all supportive of course and I will be doing my NLP thing in a few days (I leave on Wednesday and get back on Sunday) so I have an adventure to look forward to. I have never done anything like this before.

Due to my obsessive Googling I decided to Google bucket lists, because they are always inspiring. And of course, (being an unoriginal teenager, raised on rip offs because there is nothing new left to invent,) I decided to make one too. I decided though, that bucket lists are better off for people who are dying or want to do the things on their list 'at some point' in their life time, rather than right now. So when I discovered that there are 'things to do before you are (insert age here)' lists  I knew that was more along the lines of what I wanted to do.

So here is my 'To Do List' which I will attempt to complete before your very eyes. I will post it on a separate page so you can see it easily and mark the things I complete as I go. Meanwhile giving you a play by play of all the crazy things I want to do. It may take some time but I will complete it in the end.

Here is a link to the page with my list on it if you can't be bothered to click the 'To Do List' page at the top.

http://howtobeahumangirl.blogspot.co.uk/p/to-do-list.html

Bye. 

The Day I Finish My Book, Cuddle A Cat And Kiss A Pie.

Hello,

Today can be summed up in quite easily: I woke up, I drank coffee, I watched a movie that made me cry, I went to work early, I accidently served a customer a cake that was ordered and I cuddled a cat called Louise until she finally went away to hide from some kids.

The end of my day was the best part though. I ate fajitas, I ate apple cake, my sister brought me a whole apple pie from the shops, I finished my book.

My book ('How to be a Woman' by Caitlin Moran) was brilliant, it made me think, made me laugh and made me change my mind about thinking that Lady Gaga is a complete air head. She isn't. She may just be my new favourite hero. I was amazed at how honest and generally blunt Caitlin Moran was. She talked about her life and her experience without editing out the bits where she falls on her face. I utterly and completely recommend this book to anyone with an open mind, any feminists, or anyone who doesn't have an open mind, or isn't a feminist. Basically everyone.

My sister bought me a pie today with her own money. My sisters both earn money now, they have a small dog walking job and they get paid for it, so as 14 year olds, they have a little financial independence for the first time. So my sister bought me an apple pie (my favourite) and I was so happy I decided to throw myself down on my bed beside the pie and kiss it, wrapper and all. Of course she then had to point out that I should be thanking her not kissing a pie, so I said thank you and went back to kissing my pie.
"But Ellie," she cried in outrage, "other people must have fingered that pie, in the shop." I don't bother holding in the crude joke, or the laughter, I need to be less dirty minded and start talking about my feelings more. Maybe then I'd have more friends who are girls.
I won't change of course, I am lying when I say this is something I should be doing. this is just something I could do. But won't.
I have found (since my personality transplant, A.K.A. my depression) that I am hones to a fault most of the time, and sarcastic to the point of ridiculousness the rest of it. I also love the word ridiculous. (I hope I spelled it right)

At the moment I am living in a pair of very unflattering three quarter length jeans because the rest of my clothes are packed for when I go away to study NLP. I won't be taking my laptop so I will have a lot to say at the end of the week when I come back. I have had eight views since I put up the first post, (although I can't tell how many were just me checking how the blog looked,) so I don't think there are many, if any people, looking at my blog yet. that's ok with me of course. My chosen method of  sorting out my thoughts (i.e. writing my life up on the internet for everyone to laugh at) is quite ridiculous (That word again) if you think about it. I am ordering my private life by sorting through my private thoughts on a public website. It's official, I'm CRAZY! Or stupid. Probably both.

Bye.

Hello

Hello,

I am currently reading Caitlin Moran's 'How to be a woman' it is confusing and amazing me and obviously inspiring me to write about my own life and experiences. I have written before mind you, I have three logs now including this one. First there is the blog where I rant about things like politics and sexism and society and politics. Then there is the one where I make stuff and take photos of it.
This is the honest one where I just talk.
This is the one about me.

I suppose having two younger sisters who are twins has taught me that if you want to get heard then you have to actually talk, even if everyone else is shouting, at least your trying right? But I'm not trying to get heard, not really. I just want somewhere to talk, someone to talk to.

I have three younger siblings, which makes me the oldest. First there are the twins who I will call M&S, although that sounds like I'm talking about marks and spencer's. But then S&M doesn't sound much better, so lets just call them the girls. My eight year old brother is my other sibling, his name starts with a J so lets call him brother. Mum and Dad are next of course but there isn't much to say about them. They are both basically hippies who moved to a large village in England and started raising four children on vegetarian food cooked on a wood burning cooker (not an Aga) and washing all their clothes in the bath, while teaching us all to be feminists and then Dad becoming a sociology lecturer at a collage for a while. I am the only one with a real job now, and I'm proud of it. I have been home educated since I was eleven and my parents realised that my utter hatred of school wasn't going to go away, and neither was my stress eczema.

I on the other hand am a 16 year old something. honestly I don't really know who I am and that is what this blog is about, (as you would know if you had read the 'about me' page.) I have just come out of a six month depression and internet addiction (that I don't talk about) and realised that apart from the fact I am alive (and actually happy about it now I'm not depressed) I don't have a clue who I am.

So here is what I do know:

1. I work at a farm shop and I love it there.
2. I love chocolate.
3. I am a feminist.
4. I am vegetarian, for now.
5. I like using :) smiley faces.
6. I hate marmite.
7. I want to be a nice person.

So that is the basics, here are the things I like to do. I have all these things to work with.

1. writing
2. reading
3. playing the guitar (badly)
4. drawing and painting
5. general art
6. talking to people
7. cooking
8. movies and making films
9. music
10. computers

So I have that, plus the fact that I will be going on a NLP practitioners course in a week and a half. I basically jumped at the chance to do something new and terrifying the minute I got out of my depression. I seem to have got out of my painfully shy phase too.
This is not something I would usually do, and yet here I am going off on an adventure.

So hopefully during the course of this blog writing I will find out who I am. Here is an explanation on NLP:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuro-linguistic_programming

http://www.nlplifetraining.com/what-is-nlp/index.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vlcsFJyEXQ

Here is some information on unschooling:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unschooling

http://yes-i-can-write.blogspot.co.uk/

https://www.google.co.uk/?gws_rd=ssl#q=what+is+unschooling+ea,

So yea, this is me for now.

I will write again soon.

bye.