Note To Self

Hello,

Some days are better than others. Sometimes everything is going well but that can change in a second. Circumstances can change in a second so if your happiness depends on them then it won't last long......................

 

If you research happiness and find out all you can about being happy then you would think you would become an expert, but in my limited and emotionally biased experience I have found that researching happiness doesn't get you very far. You can know things intellectually without really, actually knowing them.

 

You can look at a map of Africa, study pictures and film and learn the language but you will never truly know about Africa without visiting it. Just as you cannot be happy without just going ahead and living it. (Says a partially depressed hormonal teenager) 

 

Being happy is all about living it not feeling happiness. I am not completely happy at the moment but I know now that I have to stop manically trying to feel happy and just start living it. (easier said than done)

 

I sometimes wonder what the world would be like if everyone could feel what it felt like to be everyone they meet, people would judge less harshly, they would treat people kinder and be less hard on themselves, as they see how others who have felt what they do, treat them.

 

I was a pretty harsh judge when I was small and I thought I knew it all, but as I became the victim of snap judgments, uneducated stereotyping and being stuffed into other peoples pigeon holes, I have become a much less judgmental person. I still have a way to go but I try not to judge people quickly or for the wrong reasons.

 

What I'm saying is....

 

Be kind, be forgiving, be helpful, hopeful and most of all be happy. Don't be passively unmiserable be actively, properly happy!

 

bye.

   

And here we are again

Hi,

And here we are again. I'm apologising for not writing in a long time and you are rolling your eyes and feeling sorry for me (slightly).

You probably think I am such a depressing looser, and you would be right. But I am also just human and so must inevitably be forgiven, sorry.

You are also maybe wondering who 'you' are. 'You' are the internet in general, the void of unknown nobodies who are reading this, the two people on my stats page from somewhere random like Russia. Hello random someone, but mostly, hello nobody, hello internet, hello void of nothingness you are my most loyal viewer.

That was an extravagant way of saying my parents are the only ones who read this blog. (and the two unknown people from Russia, we mustn't forget them.)

I have been expanding my social skills by socialising at home education meet ups and work. I learned from Channel 4's new TV sitcom 'Raised by Wolves' that lying on top of someone is not socialising so I stopped doing that. This leaves my social life pretty pathetically empty so I have been smiling at strangers and making conversations at the check out of our only local tiny supermarket the co-op. It has been successful if mostly uncomfortable for me.

I love people though, this is the thing that has always helped with having a positive outlook on life (something I am pretty bad at so far...) and getting over depression (which is a very unsociable illness.) But genuinely caring about random strangers does have its downsides.

A distant relative took it upon herself to be vaguely mean about most of my immediate family on Facebook. even though I don't actually give a shit what she thinks I was genuinely hurt that she could feel such uncomfortable feelings about us. I am probably not wise enough to be completely concerned with the serious amount of karma she just dumped on herself and more about the fact that she said mean shit about my granny but hey, I try.

feelings and thoughts always seem so sophisticated and amusing and... original in my head, but so damn childish on the screen so I can write my innermost feelings and think, wow that was deep. And then read it back and realise it sounds like a pans people interpretation of a hurts song. (incredibly self pitying and badly expressed) but opening up is supposed to be important so I continue to bore you all. (thank you my parents and the lovely random Russians:)

So my update has been odd I'm sure, and if you still think I can say anything mildly sensible after this I think you might need some kind of reality check, are you actually in possession of any common sense? I am a loony, obviously and nothing I say must ever be taken too seriously. apart from my next words.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMVmNTn6GA8

bye.