I accept my depression

Hi,

Today I accepted that I am not alright. I have recently had depression and I am not well yet. I keep avoiding this subject but I have to face it.

I have had depression! I am recovering from depression!

It is a difficult thing to admit. Depression is different for everyone but for me, the feeling I get before I got ill was like I couldn't stop myself from getting depressed and I was grasping onto the edge of the cliff trying to stay on top, trying not to fall into my illness again. Yes, depression is an illness and I prefer, on the rare occasions I talk about my depression, to say, 'when I was ill' rather than 'when I had depression'.

I saw a picture the other day of me when I was ill. It was not pretty, you could tell something wasn't right. I heard a quote the other day. It was from a crappy movie but it was a brilliant quote. "A mother is only as happy as her saddest child." It is the thought that goes through my head a lot when I am ill. I feel guilty because I am troubling the people I care about most. I saw a cartoon strip which was captioned with the worries of a person with anxiety. There were black and white pictures and captions about the sorts of things people with anxiety think. The one that really got to me was this: 'Do you remember that stupid thing you did? So does everybody else!' it is a perfect example of how anxiety feels, and how I felt for a long time.

Depression is often misunderstood or even trivialised but everyone who has ever experienced it knows that however they got into it. Getting out of depression is an uphill battle. The things that would help make you better are the same things you feel least like doing. But more than that you feel like you can't do them. You feel like there is nothing you can do.

I am getting better but I have finally admitted that I am not better yet!

Good luck if you have it or know someone who does. Whatever you do, keep trying! Just trying. It doesn't matter what you do so long as you do it with passion and you really try.
(At least that is my opinion.)

bye.